| Review | Gymkata (1985) | Director | Robert Clouse |
|---|---|
| Writer | Charles Robert Carner – Based on the novel “The Terrible Game” by Dan Tyler Moore |
| Cast | Kurt Thomas, Tetchie Agbayani, Richard Norton, Edward Michael Bell, John Barrett, Conan Lee, Bob Schott and Buck Kartalian |
“It’s not over yet. So put your hardware back in your pants” – Jonathan
Parmistan; a tiny mountain nation in the middle of the Hindu Kush range. There a terrible game is played regularly and anyone who comes to Parmistan must enter. It’s a game of survival and death that includes obstacles in a tour around the country that circles back to where they started and no outsider has won the game for over 900 years. It’s a fairly sought after competition since many countries are training and sending athletes to compete. But there’s a reason. That reason is the tiny country’s location. A star wars satellite inside Parmistan could monitor all other satellites around the world and would therefore function as the ultimate warning system in case of a nuclear attack. And the winner of the game is allowed his life and one request. A lot of interested parties want that one request.
Jonathan Cabot (Thomas) is the US’s most formidable gymnastics athlete and is chosen by the government to participate in the game. But he has another agenda as well; his father competed in the game and was not victorious and he wants to find out whether or not his dad could possibly be alive. Cabot is aided by Princess Rubali (Agbayani), the daughter of the Kahn of Parmistan (Kartalian) and a couple of trainers. What the Kahn doesn’t realize is that his second in command, Zamir (Norton), is planning to overthrow him and rule Parmistan. And then there’s this other subplot of Zamir’s men trying to abduct Princess Rubali and that pits Cabot against some machine gunned men on the way to Parmistan. Once the game begins Cabot is facing multiple threats; Zamir tries his best to kill Cabot, the cloaked ninjas who try to kill the competitors as well, a fellow competitor named Thor (Schott) who also tries to kill him and a town of crazies that’s on the way. Will Cabot prove victorious in the end?
“Gymkata” is a camp classic that gets all the more laughs because it takes itself so seriously. Helmed by Robert Clouse, of “Enter the Dragon” (1973) fame, the experienced director tackles this as a straight ahead thriller/action movie with little to no self-awareness. Readers will grasp only by the story synopsis that this is a fairly ludicrous affair that makes little sense. This is essentially an umpteenth re-do of the “The Most Dangerous Game” (1932) plotline with a lot of martial arts and ninjas thrown in as they were big draws at the time. The mysterious game at a secluded location even reminds one of “Enter the Dragon” but “Gymkata” has something entirely different up it’s sleeve with the creation of the rather laughable tiny mountain nation of Parmistan. This basically looks like a hellhole of a nation for various reasons and the whole reason behind it’s optimal geographic location does lend the story a little credibility but not much.
Nostalgia can be a powerful thing and in my memory there was always something about “Gymkata” that stuck with me. The core storyline consisting of a deadly survival game is always enticing and the mere presence of white, red and black clad ninjas is pretty cool. But when I finally revisited the film after close to 30 years I did find out what it was that burned itself in my memory. There’s a 14 minute segment when Cabot enters the village of the crazies that is, for me, the undisputed highlight of the film. It’s a very atmospheric segment consisting of genuinely nightmarish visuals and horrific imagery that wouldn’t be out of place in a straight horror film. The townspeople slowly circle around Cabot armed with pitchforks and various other appliances and escape seems unlikely. While this scene, among many others, doesn’t make a lick of sense it does work very well in it’s own context and ultimately gives the film a different outlook on the whole.
But overall I do enjoy the rest of “Gymkata” warts and all but in a different way. Critics all over the web have a field day in trashing the film and pointing out the many ridiculous aspects of it. Apart from the absurd storyline most do mention the hilarious placement of pseudo gymnastics equipment found here and there in everyday surroundings that help Cabot fight the villains and plenty of other things that do induce laughter. There is a lot to pick apart if you’re so inclined but chances are you’ll be fairly entertained while doing so.
The late real life gymnast Kurt Thomas seems to have been a near perfect athlete and his skills in the action sequences are very impressive. And that handstand in the stairs is great. He wasn’t much of an actor but he’s more than fine here and has a solid presence. All others are fairly wooden in their parts and play their roles very seriously. But Kartalian is quite memorable in the wrong way. I don’t know what they were going for with the Kahn of Parmistan; he seems to be in a different film altogether and it wouldn’t surprise me if the actor was a Mel Brooks impersonator on the side.
Overall; “Gymkata” is a bona fide nostalgia fix for me and more than likely it functions similarly for quite a few others. The action sequences are quite good and well executed but they are rather silly and stretch credibility. Story wise the script makes little to no sense and the terrible game itself, when you think about it, is awfully stupid in execution. The film is competently directed by Clouse (who shows quite a bit of flair for disturbing imagery) who stages set pieces well enough and the pace is brisk. In the end though, for me, it’s the 14 minute journey into the village of the crazies that has the most pull for replays and has a series of images that burned themselves into the mind of an impressionable youngster and still impress to this day. That’s no small feat and for that alone “Gymkata” will always be a treasured 80’s guilty pleasure.
Physical Copy
My copy of “Gymkata” is a region 1 DVD issued in 2007. Sadly this has never received the High definition treatment but the standard DVD gets the job done well enough for the format. The only extra is a trailer. Hopefully it will get a Blu-ray treatment down the line and a commentary with some knowledgeable film scholars would be greatly appreciated. I’d love to know more about the origins and making of “Gymkata”. I’m pretty sure there are others like me out there.
Why physical copy?
I always encourage the acquisition of physical copies as I dread the day when films will only exist as files on computers and through streaming services. The companies that put the effort into making the discs, create new artwork or reproduce the originals, issue booklets and much more deserve all the financial support they can. Therefore I will always mention the Blu-rays or DVD’s (and yes; also if I review something streamed through Netflix or the like) even though I gain nothing from it personally.
